I have spent a whole day and a half trying to get the NetBeans ISE 12.0 debugger working - it was always hanging on “Waiting For Connection (netbeans-xdebug)”.
I have now solved this - as you say, Xdebug version 3 is very different to version 2 and most of the documentation on the web has not caught up. This is the page that you need: Upgrade Guide
This is the configuration that works for me (I kept my IDE setting to use port 9000):
zend_extension=/usr/lib/php/20180731/xdebug.so
xdebug.mode=debug
xdebug.start_with_request=trigger
xdebug.client_host=127.0.0.1
xdebug.client_port=9000
与恶龙缠斗过久,自身亦成为恶龙;凝视深渊过久,深渊将回以凝视…