To add to the other answers, a recent developer post from Facebook (which I can't seem to find at the moment) inferred that whitelisting was no longer necessary. I did it anyway. Takes about a week.
You need to use the Open Graph protocol. Info on embedding video is at the bottom of this page: http://developers.facebook.com/docs/opengraph/
This is what we found through experimentation (which will certainly change in the future):
- The player must be a flash player.
- It must be an https link.
- You can add optional flashvars as parameters.
An example og:video tag from our website:
<meta property="og:video" content="https://indieflix.com/media/swf/player.swf?bufferlength=3&lightcolor=FFFFFF&autostart=true&file=http%3A%2F%2Findieflix.com%2Fstreamer%2Fhdtrailer%2F32310_320x180.mp4&provider=http&frontcolor=CCCCCC&image=http%3A%2F%2Fcdn.indieflix.com%2Ffilms%2Fimages%2Flarge%2F32310.jpg&backcolor=333333" />
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